I need you
by MO4
Summary: Giles betrayed her. Wood tried to kill him. Now what?


She closed the door while he was still looking in at her, a look of puzzlement on his face as if he  
didn't believe what she was doing. Once it clicked, she rested her head on the frame and sighed.  
  
"It's not his fault," said the voice behind her.  
  
"He set you up. He tried to... helped with... Wood would have killed you." It was strange, that  
his presence in her room didn't surprise her. Stranger still was having Spike be more accepting  
of what had just happened than she was.   
  
"Wood tried - I'm just too stubborn to die, pet. Besides, I need to be here for this. I need to fight  
this with you." She could hear him as he moved slowly toward her, could almost feel him  
breathing on the back of her neck, but he stopped just before he reached her as if uncertain of  
what she'd do next.  
  
"You said you gave him a buy this time, that next time you'd kill him," she reminded him.  
  
"I did."  
  
She nodded, puzzling him with her acceptance. "I told him," she hesitated, "I told him that next  
time... next time I'd let you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't have time for revenge or rivalries." She shook her head. "My God, what ego to think  
that this is about any one person." Wood's motives made more sense to her, and she didn't feel  
the sense of betrayal from him. She knew deep down that he wasn't part of them. Sighing, she  
wondered why Giles felt so compelled to interfere now. It hurt coming from Giles.  
  
"He loves you, Buffy." Spike said softly, in answer to her unspoken question.  
  
"I don't want that, not that kind of love," she shook her head. "This time it's different - it's  
getting to us all. Getting to him like I've never seen before."  
  
"He's all that's left, 'cept for Wesley and what, one or two other sods back in England?" Spike  
saw her nod. "It's not like he knows they're there waiting just in case. This time it's all on him."  
  
"No," Buffy shook her head. "It's all on me, on all of us here. Not just him."  
  
He put a tentative hand up toward her shoulder, and waited. She stepped forward, leaning into  
his touch. They stood there like that for a minute, neither looking at the other. Finally she  
stepped even closer and put her arms around his waist.   
  
"I could have lost you," she whispered. "I can't lose you," she said even quieter.  
  
"Not going anywhere, pet." he whispered into her hair. "Not going anywhere."  
  
"Promise?" She looked up at him then, water in her eyes but not spilling down her cheeks. He  
thought she looked like a small child sometimes - vulnerable. The Buffy they didn't see.  
  
"I promise." He meant it. Unless she told him to go, he wouldn't go. "I told you once, I like this  
world. No matter what, I've no desire to see it destroyed. Liked it before the soul, like it now."  
  
Buffy smiled. She hugged him tighter, thankful that she could once more feel his strength.   
She'd lied to him that night when she told him she wanted the Spike who'd threatened to kill her.   
She just needed his strength, but in fact she wanted this Spike - the one who loved her. Part  
demon, part man, lover, fighter - her match in all things. He had scared her badly in what she'd  
called "the bathroom incident". Scared her because it had broken a trust that she'd almost begun  
to admit was there. Watching him with Anya hurt, but she understood it and she knew that he  
did was well. Trying to force her... seeing the desperation in his eyes and seeing him almost lose  
control over it... that had scared her.   
  
Pulling back, she reached up one hand and caressed his face. She wished she could tell him the  
words she was thinking. Wanted to let him know that it wasn't having the soul that had  
redeemed him in her eyes, but the willingness to fight to get it. That with all the new things he  
was feeling she could still see the Spike of old - the one who had loved her, talked with her after  
she was brought back, the one who put down his gun when he learned about her mother. He was  
a combination of things, of people, that she'd never fully understand. She wished there would be  
time to explore it, but deep down she knew that wouldn't happen.  
  
Slowly he lowered his head to hers and kissed her. The tears that had been threatening to escape  
finally began to work their way down her face. If only there were time.  
  
"There's not much time," he told her, and she marveled again at how well he knew her. "I love  
you, Buffy," he said softly as he moved his hands to cup her face. "I love you."  
  
She nodded. "I know."  
  
He took a deep breath. "I'd better let you get some sleep, pet. Gonna be a rough day tomorrow."  
  
She grabbed his belt, "No." It was a whisper. "Please? Stay with me?"  
  
He tilted his head, torn between wanting to stay with her and knowing he should leave.  
  
"I need you. Not just for the fighting, although I know I can't do that without you. But right  
now, I need you ... for me." She walked with him back toward the bed, her fingers looped around  
his belt tightly. She toed off her shoes and sat down on the bed, taking him with her until they  
were both sitting facing each other.  
  
"Are you sure?" What was she asking?  
  
She nodded and moved to kiss him. Sighing deeply as she took in what she called "the feel of  
Spike", she allowed herself to smile. "I'm sure," she told him as she looked into his eyes. "I'm  
sure." 


End file.
